angstdroom

2003-04-16T02:47:00.000-07:00

On a high!

The 10th YFC-ILC was a blast! Up to this point, I'm still on a high praising the Lord and dancing wild while shouting praise songs. It was an extraordinary experience that on the last day, I cried in guilt of my sins and service. The talks were inspiring, the songs drove everyone wilder than the people on a rock concert, people were extra and super duper friendly, and over-all, it was one heck of a celebration. Imagine an arena in Clark Expo with 13,000 people around you, jumping up and down, raising up fists, chanting their respective regions...whew! It was a fun fun fun ride! The #yfc grand eb was really awesome that I met lots of new people. I actually developed the pics already and I'd be scanning it to show it to all of ya.

And after that ILC, finally....finally...I knew my call. God called me. HE REALLY did! He instructed me to be an active leader in YFC and to never quit inspite of the people around me who try and break my faith. I now understand why I underwent too many tests in life that strengthened me and placed me in a point I would want to give everything up and become weak. I now finally understand the reason why I am continuously being hunted down by the devil since I was a kid (when he manifested his horrible face). God called me to be active and to be great.

In the next years, I will institute YFC in Sacred Heart School and nothing will stop me. My faith is overlflowing and I am in great joy!

Finally...finally....I feel complete.

All I wish is that my mom will understand that I am doing it for God. I just hope you all will understand if I'm too busy chatting in #yfc...

I hope you all understand when I announce that I may be blogging very very rarely now.

I still wub ya all but I've got responsibilities to do.

I am even leading the arts team for the Youth camp and a team for an outing in YFC-South B 2-NCR.

I hope you all understand...

2003-04-09T21:11:00.000-07:00

I'll be leaving tomorrow at 5:30 am so bye bye everyone and wish me luck in the YFC-ILC. I hope I'd meet new friends there. Well, actually, I would because I'd be meeting those I chat with in #yfc. Wee...

And speaking of leaving, I haven't packed my things yet and my cellphone's load is zero. :P

I actually got all the toiletries kicking with the additional Leave-on conditioner which I bought to tame my hair. :P It actually works. Hehe.

I also bought a pair of blue sunglasses so wipee!

ILC...Better watch out!

2003-04-06T00:05:00.000-08:00

I was humilated, shouted at and blamed for something I did not do. And here I am, trying not to cry and not to tell. If I would, I would be in big trouble and everything would be a huge mess. All I wish now is to go to a dark place, curse them though I hate to, cry my heart out, and return back the pain they left. They are hypocrites and sad to say, till I die, they'll still be there to see my wake.

Don't mind me. I just need to vent that out instead of crying without result.

2003-03-30T22:53:00.000-08:00

Hehehe...I've not blogged for so long. You see, I've been very much busy these days that my sleeping time adjusted from the normal 10pm-7am to 2am-12pm. Sucks eh? Youth for Christ would be taking much of my time in the next two months. I'd be travelling into different places so that will be extra fun fun fun. Hehe. Anyway, I pretty much enjoy what I'm doing so that'd be fine. Besides, I'm planning to serve the community till I breathe my last, probably. With 7 years in Kids for Christ, and 2 years in YFC, why would I not continue? The community opened me up into a world of good friends and great fun. Maybe, if I had not joined YFC, I would be probably dead of suicide. Oh, yes, I attempted once and I don't want to talk about it anymore. It was a horrible, horrible part of my past which somehow, helped others to realize that life is such an important gift.

I'm actually the creative team leader of our Cluster, proof of my active participation in the organization. You see...YFC is a worldwide organization of youths and on the 11th-13th of April, some 20,000 delagates from every part of the world will be coming for a reunion. Hehe...sounds fun eh? If I'm not mistakened, there are at least 3 million YFC's around the globe, me being one. Weee. And in that reunion, I shall be meeting lots of people, especially those I got acquainted to in #YFC hehe. I've been going there for the past two weeks and boy...people there are TOO friendly. Not too mention, cute pa...hehe. Kidding. And after the ILC, I shall be going to Antique for a week then back for the practices for the YFC Youth Camp then there comes the Camp, Summer Outing, lots of meetings and plannings and summer review.

Ack...of course I need summer review. I'm dying to enter Ateneo and grab the political science course. And Les is NOT going to change her mind being a lawyer inspite of all the discouragements. Errr...I could go to UP but though would like to, my educational plan calls for either Ateneo or Assumption so I've got no choice. Besides, Ateneo is one of the best Law schools around. No offense to Lasallians hehe.

And she's near! So I've got nothing to worry. :)

I actually toured UP and got a ride in the TOKI...hehe.

My mom actually talked about what I'd do next year over dinner nights ago and we agreed that since QC is far, I'd be living in a dorm. Quite scary, eh? But Ate Mai's near me so I'm glad. Hehe.

Oh...and the awaited group blog is UP and kicking. I actually worked hard on that layout. o.O

What do ya think?

Oh...and I'll dish out plugs later. For the meantime...

[x]Refe-chan! Dontcha worry, we would meet someday and that's a promise.
[x]Ate Sam! Yeah...thank you for the encouragement. And, it's not about the academic contests, it's the overall place in the honor roll.
[x]Ate Mai! I'll be looking forward to meet you! :D
[x]Boo! Yeah...thank you for believing in me though we haven't met yet. I wub ya!
[x]Leanne! Thanks..I'd do that.

I'm off...I've got to pray for somebody. Seeya.

2003-03-14T22:48:00.000-08:00

New link: Ate Vanessa. She's got a cute, cute adoption site with lots of lil butterflies. Not to mention she also makes great layouts.

Arigatou Gozaimasu to everyone who commented and wished to taste my cooking. Nyahaha...one day, Mee, I'd go and fly to your place and stuff ya down wif burnt cookies. [No, I really don't bake good] Kidding. *Sigh* If only you people were my neighbors *pointies to everybody on her links*.

Well... yesterday, I had a lot of refelctions swirling in my head. Regrets, hopes, dreams, pains, realizations, sadness, emptiness and [insert nouns related to a day long contemplation] suddenly crashed when I learned that I got a place lower in the honor roll. It's actually not a big deal---I know---but the looks people have been giving me makes me want to cry. I would want to cry not because of failure on my part but failure for others. I have failed not my own expectations but the people around me who trusted that I would remain in where I used to belong. It's not like that, isn't it? Life's not in favor of me all the time, isn't it? I have long accepted--when I knew I had an inconsistency in my actions, MOST especially in the extra-curricular category---that I would not bag the silver award that's supposed to be pinned on me by my dad. My dad expects a lot and somehow, I feel down. I have felt the conspiracy of things right even when it was beginning---this year is NOT for me. I knew that. Problem is, why would people expect? I am no superwoman who can control time and luck. It just so happened that Paola's clubs had more activities than mine. It's God's will to give a prize to persons who HE knew worked hard for it. Pao did and I've got no vengeful feelings towards her. She deserves it. She worked hard. And my efforts were tiny compared to hers. I had done mistakes but that doesn't mean I reached the end, right? I know I've got one year. I know that God is testing me. I know HE is testing my faith for I easily fall down. And the knowledge of His plan was given to me beforehand. I had done all preparations and acceptance. Why can't people cooperate and feel happy than pity for me?

Next year, I would try my VERY best to succeed. It has been my dream to recieve an award that would make people smile for me. I would try and be more responsible---that's for sure. I won't give up this time, now that I've got a broken leg. I'd be a loser if I did, eh? I'm all set for Monday. I know that people would frown and I'd be an object of talks. God bless me, I hope. I know He would. I may be wounded, I may be weak but at this point but after thinking so hard and examining myself, I know that this made me a lot stronger. I don't consider this a failure but a blessing. If not for this, I would remain the lazy girl that I was.

Anyway, bronze is cute too, eh? Hehe.

Prepare June!

2003-03-13T07:24:00.000-08:00

New link: Leanne! We've got the same nicky. Sweet girl.

Anyway, for today, I got excempted again. Would ya believe I slept and read a bunch old editions of Time and nearly 1/8 of the Goblet of Fire a while ago? Life of an excempted student is hell. You'll prolly need to practice your ass to get acquainted with the library chair. How lovely!

After the long time of drooling in the library table, my groupmates and I had a short practice for the practical test in P.E tomorrow. Luckily, I've got a CD burner and my trusty Kazaa so it took me only minutes to find the "Why don't you build me up (build me up) buttercup babee..." cwap. We're going to have the L.A Walk dance steps test. Sheezers. Well that's a tad better than choosing cha-cha or the cwappy waltz since it has eassssssssy steps. But of course, I still hold the "dancing sux" banner while imagining what hell I'd do tomorrow. If there's one thing I'd not DO...that is to dance.

After school, I...

cooked.

Cwappy hell.

Actually tish my mom's birthday to---day so I had to help her with cooking the dishes she'd prepare for her party. Mothers....*shakes her head*.

Well, I did almost all the house chores from cutting nasty smellin onions to cleaning the pans. Of course...i wub my mom. And besides, our maid left so being the eldest, I needed to fill in the resposibility of the all-around-sis-daughter-maid-etc. etc. *insert other cwap here*.

Results of my cookin?

Hallelujah! The Leche Flan was yummy and the Spaghetti was praised by my mom's friends. Weee...! *Blush* So I was praised and bragged by my mommy that I'm *blah blah blah*. Another goodie-for-the-day point. So all the time I served em, they all asked "May I ask your recipe copy?" and "You didn't take your Finals?" cwap, cwap, cwap.

Really...

being the center of discussion and admiration would make you want to sulk in a corner of the bar under poor lighting while listening to the Furuba OP and Florescence all night long. And add the trying to pretend you're busy thing.

I actually did all those for three hours. And what's worse, my butt aches. Damn bar stools.

[I was kidding on the drooling part. I didn't drool in the library table, mind you. XD]

2003-03-12T02:56:00.000-08:00

*jumps up and down*

I GOT EXCEMPTED IN ALL SUBJECTS TO-DAY!

I actually did not expect the sudden blessing. I wished that I won't but part of me wanted to get back my low grade. Anyway, I'm still overjoyed. VERY overjoyed because (not to boast) I'm now sure that I have a big chance to not get any final test. Consider me lucky but in the back of my head, while I sit and drown in the old Time Magazines in the library, I wonder what's it's like to be getting the finals and how it would feel sitting there and drilling your brain into pieces. For some weird reason, I'm starting to like tests. Hehe.

Tomorrow, Health, Filipino (darn) and Math. Heh....I do hope that I get excempted again.

I got accepted in the GRAVITATION blog crew as Seguchi Tohma. Wee.

Loren-sensei-chan and I helped in sorting out all the pictures during the JS. I know it's bad but I joined the laughing when I saw Paola's picture. Hehe.

Mmm...what else? Nothing much, really. I just found out one thing that I wanted to find out for a long time: Cold Cappuchino is yummy. I usually drank Irish Creme and ignored that but it actually...tastes yummy. Anyway, I still hate my braces. It takes me an hour to munch a small packet of Chippy. Grrr.

2003-03-10T23:48:00.000-08:00

On wif the bloody shoutouts:

Mee! I got accepted in the CLAMP crew. Wee. Me ish Eriol Hiiragizawa. Go add! *wink* . I am now part of the CLAMP and Furuba crew----->Hatori-sama. (see links). Also, I added my fanlistings. Wee...!

Ehh...Just put it up and if it's good, I'll thwack ya in the head again. Just jokin. Good luck on your finals!

YOU! Fruits Basket ish indeed kawaaaaaaaaaaaaaiii! And thanks for being such a nice, nice friend.

I'm very happy for ya. All I wish for ya is to be happy. Hah...remember, my mallet and pointy friends are waiting for your signal when he does something stupid.

Heh...me ish sowwee for not e-mailing you yet. Prepare for a long ass e-mail after the Finals. I really should check my head for disorders. ^_^v

I heard that you're fine now. Dontcha worry, all yer problems will fade soon. The boys though will swarm you from time to time (of course, my neechan ish pweeeetty) but if you've got a problem, though I can't go where you reside, you know my mail and cell number. I'll curse the person who would hurt you badly. (Now if only I could be like Megumi-kun of Furuba...)

Eli-chan, thanks for the text. Arigatou!! I wub ya for yer sweetness.

I wonder if we could be partners in crime? You're really naughty to talk to hehe.

Ateeeee! Furuba ish nicccce nga!!

Though we talked only for a bit, I was soooo happy...swear!

I finally read Autumn's Bounty. Tish reeeeeeeeeeeeeally good. Update! Update!

Choco-imouto-chan! Dump those good-fer-nothing boys. Look at your hand right now and listen to your neechan ( i feel so...old )---that hand is made to perfectly fit another hand somewhere in this world. Maybe, it's not yer time yet to look for that hand so enjoy life while single and remember... tish better to be carefree than let boys worry you wif lots of things.

-------------------------------------------------------------Cwappy Entry Starts----------------------------------------------------------

Being in demand is hard. Sometimes, I would just want to quit trying my best to serve, be a NICE friend, classmate and a high school personality. Not that I hate resposibilities, huh? It was just during one of my walking-alone-thinking-about-lots-of-things on the way to the covered walk (to wait for my bus to come and helplessly stare at the school clock, wishing to just make the minute hand tick faster) that I started to see how carefree ordinary people are. Ordinary in the sense that they are very, very happy when they see a big, big red mark of 75% in their test papers, they could freely move around without people expecting a lot from them and they do not care about the welfare of others (who they really do not know) and what others think about them. Sometimes, I wish that I could be ordinary persons like them and not the "me" who I am at the moment. Yes...I may be smart. I may be the one out of twenty five people who get straight A's, is naturally gifted with numerous talents and a privileged student who is recognized around the high school department as an achiever and a leader. Sometimes, I just want to get out of my shell and be someone who would not feel disappointed in receiving an 80 mark in a test. I would want to be someone whose name isn't a classroom talk. I would want to be someone who is one with the crowd---an unnoticed youth who isn't much of a head-turner. Believe me, I'm getting sick. That's why I'm awaiting college. Maybe, that'd be a new start. I still may be the above average type of girl but at least, I don't have to watch if I'd be a cumlaude later on or not.

Just a rant. :P

Tomorrow is the start of the Finals. I'd have Chemistry, THE and Computer tomorrow. Mmm...inspite of the naggings of my friends that I must sit back, relax and forget Finals even existed, I am still determined to study--especially in Chemistry. I don't actually have a big problem with THE and Computer since I've got high scores on both subjects. I've even got this teeny weeny bitsy feeling that I'd be excempted tomorrow before the papers would be passed. My problem? Chemistry. I got an 80 in the semi-finals---a mark that disappointed lots of people around me and me, myself. Heh...it'll be slight reviewing only since all i need to memorize are the formulas of concentration, gas laws and solutions. So....wee.

Actually, the Finals is the last thing I'd worry about for this school year. I had erased the Religion play from the worry list since we successfully delivered it well a while ago. Heh...I feel stupid as the director. Imagine more than an hour preparation for the props when the presentation time was only for 15 minutes. :P

Also, these past few days after Loren-sensei-san introduced me to Fruits Basket and Kanon, we just can't help but sing the OP song of Furuba and do the "uguu~" of Ayu-chan (Kanon). There was even this one instance that we simply looked at each other and pronounced the silly expression at the same time...wierd, eh? Charmaine and I, on the other hand, have been fighting over Kyou. I actually like Yuki a lot but Loren-sensei would get very furious since she officially claimed the bishie in the class. Heh...so I went for Hatori-sama (who is a major cutie!). The play went well a while ago. There were many add-ins especially during the last part wherein the people had to gather and pray the rosary in front of "Lourdes". I actually sang "Ave Maria" wrong...hehe...because it just naturally popped into my head when I noticed that they had nothing to do but recite the Hail Mary again. It was very successful though. Anyway, I need not to worry since our class has lots of good actors and actresses. :P

Yesterday though, I had my knees trembling during History. Why? OUR PRINCIPAL DID A SURPRISE OBSERVATION AND I DIDN'T READ WHAT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DISCUSS! Luckily, I recalled the lessons of Asian History so when I was asked to explain the movement of Mahatma Gandhi, I was able to explain well. Whew. Sr. Naomi is actually very nice but I really don't get why my knees suddenly tremble for a couple of seconds upon seeing her or even hearing her voice. She's got a strict face, you see. :P

Mmmm...and I just remembered my dad while I narrate this boring story of mine. My dad is in the Middle East, you see. He's working there because he was offered a high position in an international company. Knowing the very very disheartening situation of our country, he was forced to move there and work. I actually miss him because it had been my habit to kiss him on the cheek every time he comes home from work while I and my brother, Mark are in the middle of answering an assignment. I miss his math lectures and his soft voice (contrary to my voice and mommy's which are VERY LOUD). For now, all I can do is pray that he would come home before the 17th. America will declare war on that day if things aren't settled and maybe, if he'd not come because his passport is kept by the company, I'll forever curse the day Bush will use his head to rule things.

*sigh* That's it for now...today is really such...an eye-opener.

2003-03-09T07:19:00.000-08:00

*glompage*

Lookie! New layout! And it's Yuuuuki-kuuun!

2003-03-07T01:25:00.000-08:00

Blogger is getting sucky. I'm planning to move to pitas. Grrrr.

2003-03-06T01:08:00.000-08:00

Mmmm....I've finally decided that I got bored of the layout. Eh. So I'm planning to feature each of my favorite anime characters every two weeks on both of my blogs. Aoi Hitomi shall have the same character featured simultaneously with my main blog but will have different layouts. Wee... whaddya think?

2003-03-05T08:32:00.000-08:00

Okay....so I haven't updated for a long as time....again. *thwacks herself*

Well, many things had happened the past few days. I've experienced different emotions ranging from happiness to anger...etc.etc.
So I'd sum my whole fuxing experiences...

1) The JS Turnover gave me YET another identity. Eeeee. It was ACTUALLY my very first time to EVER wear a VERY formal gown, apply make-up and get my hair...all curly. Tish fun though...I actually felt the sense of belonging in the female race. Normally, knowing me, Lesley Anne Rosal, the plain, loud, sometimes quiet, doesn't-care-about-her-appearance-or-whatsoever girl, I really don't do the things that normal teenagers do. For instance, I DO fix my hair and spray on cologne. I DO take a bath everyday and brush my teeth. BUT I am not the type who bothers of the hairs on her brows are growing all back from the shaving session in the parlor (*points her mommy for dragging her*), sprays Victoria Secret every subject, carries a mirror EVERYWHERE (well, I do have a comb in my pocket which is seldomly taken out...how about that?), applies powder every break time and rushes to the bathroom to fight over the blurry mirror on the wall. Me=VERY ordinary. Kinda boring, eh? I'd rather stick to being different than join the flock of girls who continue to swarm the bathroom every hour and flood the mall hunting for potential one-minute boyfriends (preferably Atenean..mind ya.). So, during the JS, I was a head turner. Errr..why? THEY SAID THAT I LOOKED LIKE DESIREE DEL VALLE OF BITUIN. Ya know....the telenovela girl? Errr....I kinda based my hair from hers so that pretty much sums it all up. But hey...I dun want to be called names. Lesh or Les is pretty fine.

Mmmm...so during the Last Will, I got the extemooraneous crown from Escoto. I expected that in the first place. :P *ego alert* The food was great and I had a fun fun fun time chatting and laughing with the fourth years. During the first days of practices, we hardly even glance at each other...my tablemates I mean. Since we've got this silly conflict with the Seniors, we barely said a word to each other. Good thing that we talked during the Turnover. Heh.

Afterwards, we had a pictuuuuuuuuuuuuure session. Me and my barkada had a group pic and I got a solo one. I had seen the pictures already yesterday. And oh my...I kinda looked...errr.....pretty? Hehe.

It was tiring but me had lotsa fun fun fun. :)

Sad to say, I can't believe that next year, I'll be in situations I dread to handle.

2) I had a fight with Charmaine. It rooted from a pretty silly thing that I won't narrate anymore since I'll blab too much about it. Well, during that time, I felt hated but happy at the same time because for the FIRST time, I learned to fight back. Normally, I'd keep quiet in a corner and wallow in pain while grinning madly. I'm just like that, I get hurt but nobody could see it behind my jolly aura if not observed carefully. I always believe that though no matter how evil a person is, there's this goodness in 'em that I see no matter how small it is. I've got a big big patience container that grows when it's nearly stuffed. Wierd how people find me martyr-like when I am known to be the PR girl who never stops blabbing. I prefer to cry in secret than show it all to everyone. I appear okay but in reality, I'm not. Hypocrisy, eh? Ironic how much I hate that word when I seem to do it discreetly.

So there. My patience bottle finally broke and I became suddenly....strong. I didn't really understand how and why but I actually...felt happy that finally, I DID it. After three years of understanding, I gave out. Weeee. But dontcha worry, me and Charms are in good terms now and I hope it is for real. Knowing her, I know it is. Her friend Ayn is the only one who I think is cold. But I don't care anymore because I've got friends around me who understand my feelings and give me respect though at times, I lose it. Well MOST of the time, actually. Why? I'm too easily manipulated. I say yes to things I feel I must say no to. I hate hurting people so...that explains my obscure attitude.

3) I'm too damn busy. I've got a Religion play to direct and the Finals is in a week. I hope I still have excemptions. I NEVER had Finals and I'm scared

Mmmm....next entry, tomorrow, I hope shall be the rants about the pro-life seminar I attended. Tish enlightening and very frightening. Since I hate scaring myself...I'll write about it tomorrow.

Heh...I feel exhausted.

2003-02-26T02:33:00.000-08:00

Weeeee...new layout.

2003-02-23T05:09:00.000-08:00

Oh. So I've been away. Muahahaha. Well, let's see...

You see...

I've been busy with stuff.

:)

First, the HSSC elections. During the formation of parties, I WAS the first choice to be MC's competitor. HELL. I would go for VP but not for the highest position in the council. One reason is that I MIGHT be the ed-in-chief of the paper next year and if HSSSC would be another burden, my plans of a paper revamp won't be given much attention. Besides, I want to be in the council and I'm a sure loser since MC is all that. :p Mmm...so I was placed in the second position next to the president with MARLIAM as my opponent. Really...I did gulped so hard for three fuxing days. For all I know, I do not stand a chance. So....the usual politician thing----campaigning. I campaigned and worked hard for the miting de avance, cancelling my clubs and dental appointments to boot. I made stickers, went and removed my shyness in front of the first years and second years. Whew. Hard work, yesh it is.

I even made the name....errr....hold yer breath, I know it's corny---BERKS (Brave Emissaries Rendering Kind Service) Hell. The other party is CLICK so....muahahaha. Why the hell? Part of the reason is---ahem. Okay....brace yourselves for the looooong ass explanation.

During the HS outreach----that was last Valentines Day---> I stood up as the emcee, therefore putting on the genky moi and the squeaky voice [Game na ba kayo?<<<
Hiro-kun: Sheeesh...you liked being teased.
Me: Shaddup. Well...errr....NO....I mean....YES....I mean....a bit.

But really NOW. Sheezers. But hey---that gave me the publicity. *hugs Ms. Yuson*

So after that, people call me Ms. Defensor-Santiago, VJ Heart *sqqqqqqqqqqqueak* and others. Dangit.

Mmmmm....so part of the reason why it's BERKS is because of its appeal....and MY appeal to the public. Sheezers *wacks herself with a baseball bat*. And since I LIKE almost-perfect or creative presentations especially when the whole school watches, we planned so many things like the intermissions and such. I dowloaded songs, burnt em and prepared for the big day that would finally let the people decide whom to vote the next day for the next year's batch of officers.

The thing was----I forgot to make a speech. Dang.

The next day, I dressed up like CARLOS SANTANA (eeeeep.....it wasn't me who decided.... *whacks Stephanie in the process of mumbling and stamping her foot*). I looked like a blind guitarist from the sidewalks....i swear. So.... appeal no. 1: the people actually found me amusing. Yesh.

Appeal no. 2: When I impersonated Santana and went WILD on stage with Michelle B (Stephanie my pwend).

Appeal no. 3: My unprepared speech which people found FUNNY. Eeeeee. I remembered seeing the principal laugh. o.o [tip to herself: better unprepared than prepared]. I mentioned too many stupid things in front and I even recalled mentioning how I forgot to bring a belt that caused my pants to fall off every time I walk. Shizzers.

After everything, I've received good feedbacks how they enjoyed the show and my speech. Surprisingly, many people liked me. Weeee.

The next day came and I was too nervous that I bit my lip more than twice before the canvassing of votes. I crossed my fingers and prayed hard. So.... what happened....?

I FUXING WOOOOOOOOOOOOON! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I'm the next year's VP!!! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! And I thought I'd lose. *sniff* So now.... I owe my classmates a treat. *shoves out her piggy bank*

What else? Oh! The JS turnover is near. You see....we don't have a prom but the usual turnover wherein the Seniors shall hand down the responsibilities to us. Weee. I bought the silver shoes for the turnover on Friday. And weee....it was on sale.....but it was absolutely TUTE. Lucky me,eh?

Mmmm...oh! Oh! I shall..... DANCE in the cotillion. FUX THAT. I HATE DANCING AND I WAS FUXING CHOSEN AMONG THE 16 OTHERS LEFT! Screw that. :( But I've got no choice, eh? *pouts*

Heh...and I've got sparkling new braces :p Wee...Somehow...I know people shall rejoice tomorrow when they find out the blabbermouth girl of the school cannot speak. Oh well.... :(

2003-02-10T02:20:00.000-08:00

THIS IS SOOOO FUXING UNFAIR!

I will have a 10-point minus in FILIPINO. Dangit. That shall screw my chances of getting excempted for the finals. And I dooooooon't want to *wails and stamps her foot like a five year old brat*!!! If I'd not get a high grade this quarter, I shall lose my scholarship and everything will go down the drain. *stamps her foot and bangs her head in the wall* So stupid, stupid, stupid. Shiz. And I'm not sure of my Chem computations which are 5 points each! That's 20 items for goodness' sake!

*goes in her corner and sulks madly*

Well, overall, the test went well with the exception of FILIPINO. *blood pressure goes high* Dangit. I don't want to reread the whole Noli for the finals after the hell-sent scriptwriting. I don't. I don't.

*breathes in again*

Well, as I was saying, the tests went well. I am even confident to get 99 in computer. Weeee. Tomorrow's exams would be the hardest batch: History, Religion and English. Memorization spree. English used to be the easiest subject for me but since we tackled authors and their literary pieces the whole quarter, I NEED to reread all the poems since the unit test that my English teacher gave included a fill-in-the-blanks-of-the-missing-words-in-the-poem test. Hah... got an 81.5%. What a shame for the top student in class. Hehe...well, 'tish okay. Paola got lower than moi so I'm not alone in the shame trip. Besides, I'm third to the highest so I've gotsy no worries. Nyahaha. *feels the hydrocephalus effect of boasting*

Mmmm...and I need to study the whole Catechism thing since my VEd teacher includes random questions that are totally out of the topics needed to be studied. Like for example, when she required us to study about sacraments, this question appeared in the test: What is the Latin version of the bible?

Heh. Turned out that nobody in the whole batch got the answer. :p

Whoa. And can you believe that for the very first time, I had the guts to open my notes and study WELL for the exams? Must be possessed by some sort of spirit. =p I really need to get HIGH scores tomorrow that if ever I get a low score in FILIPINO (mumbles again like a madwoman) my English grade will pull me up.

And this week is full of deadlines especially for moi since I've got the school paper responsibility and I'm in the honor list. Dangit. Sometimes, I wished I was like my Loren-sensei... ya know... no care about the world? She's got no clubs and she's damn contented getting a 75% mark. WHY CAN'T I? WHY? Shiznit.... (mumbles again)

Sometimes, being somebody who is known to be smart...etc,. etc., etc., is tiring. People expect a lot from me. I should be this and that and thsi and that and blah and blah there and blah that and fux it. Erg. Did you experience such pressure back when you were in HS? I hate it. Hate it. This month is also the HSSSC elections for the next batch of council officers. Eeeep. I have this WIERD feeling they'll campaign me as VP. This is bad. People 'round the council is winking madly everytime Mrs. Infante brings the topic up and we fall on the question.... Who's the possible VP? Well I know that MC would be Pres. that's fer ser. But moi? VP? Puuuuuhleeeese? I've got the whole school paper next year! Shiz that.

I think I'll have a mental disorder of some sort. Stress is killing me, don't you all think? Don't abandon me like a stray pup when I become someone who's nutter than the nuttiest person ever alive, eh? Love me all, eh?

My teeth stopped bleeding but up to now, I still taste a teeny wheeny bitty blood. Eeep. I had braces for the past errr... 4 years and the first dentist screwed my whole fuxing teeth up so my mom, after finally seeing that her friend is creating a living hell inside my mouth, decided to switch doctors. Hah... so the new dentist got two of my teeth yesterday and the other two shall be taken off next week. So pretty. I had to tie a cold cloth in my cheek the whole fuxing afternoon and eat lots and lots of ice cream. And the flavor is...vanilla. Blech. Just imagine vanilla ice cream with the glory and yumminess of blood mixed together. Yum-gross eh? It ached like inferno the whole afternoon and I had to eat noodles. =( They had a yummy meal last night of mashed potatoes and steak and I only had RAAAAAMEN! *mumbles again* So next week shall be another hell session in the dental chair. AND MY BROTHER'S B-DAY is the day after THAT! *mumble fumble*

Well, been the object of teases again today. Like I care. Everyday is a teasing session for me. My class loves me that much eh? =p I wasn't THAT noisy yesterday and today. Weeeee? I wasn't!!! I love myself. I was able to control my non-stop babbling mouth for the FIRST time. People around me suggested to take a teeth of per week till classes are over so the class is at peace. =p

M....what else? Oh. And yesh. Boys get too annoying. I shall not tell it over here since he/she/it/whatever may read it. Basta!

boo~!!, it's twis73dhalo. :) But I'm not on that much. Maybe next week? :)

I shall e-mail you a looooooooooooong letter about the school news etc. etc. etc. next week perhaps. :)

I think I've ranted enough. Oh no. Not yet.... *looks around*

What is wrong with the whole BEYBLADE fad?

My brothers are quarreling everyday about who has the best errr.... beyblade. Well, since that started, my mom has been VERY VERY generous that my (note!!) 5-YEAR OLD brother and ELEVEN-YEAR OLD brother has 5 beyblades each complete with a stadium. Those are all fake blades so my mom has been buying all over the metro for the sold-out fuxing, pointless toy. Just get the original filipino top for goodness' sake! So for every fuxing day that I wished for peace at home, war always happen because of the dang toy!!! *goes all mad*

Mark: Hah... I won again. Your blade's stupid.
Steven (5 year-old brat): NO FAAAAIR! I saw you cheat!
Mark: Your shooter's old. I've got a new one!
Steven: No fair!!! That is because mommy gives you money and I am stuck with a stupid shooter. You've got... *counts* 7 shooters and spare parts!
Mark: You always win and I lose....no fair!

*wrestling match*

Steven: *CRIES SO LOUD* You killed my blade! Fix it!
Mark: I don't waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant to!
Steven: I'll text (HE KNOWS! A 5 YEAR OLD KNOWS HOW TO USE THE CELLPHONE!) daddy and I'll let him buy me 10 blades and I'll tell him not to give you one.
Mark: Let's see. *kicking session*

...and the ever wubbable big sis? Having a migraine and bumping her head in the wall shouting for peace in the world...no war, please.

ACK. See? That toy is mad!! Remember the Tamiya craze? My dad spent dollars!! DOLLARS!! For a race track that was barely used and now in the garage with cobwebs and dust and three original tamiyas bought in Hong Kong with all the engines and oil and kits and ....waaaaah. And I should've bought lots of chocolates and mangas instead of those lousy toys. And what did my daddy tell me when I requested for mangas?

Dad: WHAT? AREN'T THOSE FOR BOYS?

No fair! *eyes all the beyblades and has a wierd desire to burn em all* I hear the word beyblade more than 50 times a DAY! =p

Heh. So much for that. I need to get my ass on History. Ciao mah dahlings! Muah.

New layout on Saturday for Valentines.... I hope. =p.

2003-02-06T00:22:00.000-08:00

*goes out all starry-eyed*

I'm back! The old moi is back!

*throws depression away and smiles bigger than the biggest smile ever done*

Weee. Back to my old self. I've been sinking in depression too much that I finally decided that crying is too tiring to be an everyday hobby. So... I've missed blogging and blog-hopping and ranting about stupid things (you know... the normal stupid things I usually rant about like... why is the world round and stuff. Oh no...did I even rant about THAT?). Mmm... school has been eating lots of my time and while I'm typing this, the other half of my brain is screaming that I must get my ass off from the computer chair because I need to go to a friend's house to study and copy notes. :P

I've never made lectures for a week because my hands were on the goddangit script for Noli. :P Hah. I finished it. If anyone wants a copy, I'd e-mail it. Muahaha... nevermind. I don't want my work spilling out and others will see how awful I make a Filipino composition. I just suck at my OWN language. Wierd but true.

The play shall be on the day after our Finals (where I HOPE to be excempted once more since I've managed to survive 2 years in HS without experiencing the brain-crushing questions that made my classmates all drool in envy when I walked out of the room more than 5 times to wallow and enjoy the library air.) and I shall be playing Donya Victorina---the bimbo who feels like she's too pretty and above everybody. Nyah... moi? Play that part? *winky doody*

Anyway, the semi-final exams are on the 8th, 10th and 11th. I could hear my head screaming "stressssss, precioussssssss stressss". But i know I could manage that... :p Why? Hah....the ever-lazy me resisted the computer for more than 2 days and got my hands working on something more productive---lectures. Rawr...lectures are the last thing I'd ever do. I usually thank God for the xerox machine because I soooooo hate copying the whole book into the measly notebook. Maybe it's because of the ever wubbable G-Tech point 3 pen that i bought for Php58.00 (that's approximately $1). And for the first time in my history of i-don't-care-if-my-pilot-fine-drops-and-i've-got-no-pen-again-for-the-2nd-time-that-day, I actually CARED for a PEN. FOR A PEN!

The turnover would be on the 28th. And I'm going to wear an orange gala uniform. Me....in a gown...errr.....gala uniform. No PROM since it's TURNOVER. *makes a mental note never to open the damn topic again* But I find it A-OK to have a turnover instead of a prom. Well, at least I won't be like some others...

Girl1: My MAKE-UP! *reaches for her purse*
Girl2: I've got Revlon....want some?
Girl2: Sorry, Clinique is better....I prefer my blush on in tubes.
Girl3: Saw *****'s date? Goddamn, he's hot!
Girl4: My dress! My dress!
Girl5: My lovely, expensive pedicurrrrre!

See the horrors? *hugs Sr. Naomi* I wuv my school. Muah.

I won't be updating till I pass the murky waters of semi-finalalala land. Okiesh?

Mee... errr...don't mind her... I think I've got *looks inside her patience bottle* 2 percent left. :)

Ate Mai...cool it... I wub yah. Errr? Orli? Nyahaha.

China... hmmm....you should tell me who she is. *winky doody* And stop the insanity. *covers ears* Oh....and got no load but you're such a dahling...muah.

Ate Kai....errr....still alive?

Ate Sam... err... hi! :)

KYYYYYYYYYTE! I wub you. I got nothing to say actually! *waves* Wave back! Wave back!

Elee!!!! errr.....hi...too?

Eli: mmmm....cool it too, eh?

Ate Elisha: *swoons over Yuuuuuuuki-kun* Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuki!

Choco: Where are you? :( Nah....I wub you too bits.

Kanon: First kiss? EEEEeeeee!

Boo~: *glompage* thanks for everything.

If ever you read this:

Carline.... ala lang. Lang pikunan ha?

Mama!!!!! I'm coming na!!!!!

Tom... hi? La lang. Thanks for everything.

Kazzzzzzze! I'm considering your offer. I'll read the prologue after my semis!

Okay...I'm going too mama kc's house now or i'm dead.

*checks herself* I'm normal, eh?

2003-01-27T03:48:00.000-08:00

He left last friday and with a heavy heart, I was forced to accept. I really don't want to recall what happened but since I needed release from all the hidden pain, I would. It was 7pm when I received a call that he wanted to see me for the last time before he leaves. I hesitated for a moment because it was my initial plan to sleep and forget everything the next day. I thought, maybe if I did so, it'd be less painful. I really didn't imagine myself nodding in agreement and rushing to his house that night with a ten-page letter and my teddy bear in hand. We sat together for the whole trip to NAIA without any of us saying a word. I was numb that time--looking out the window and trying not to feel anything that would bring me to tears. He, after all, told me that I needed not to weep. That moment was hard since from the corner of my eye, as I tried to fascinate myself by looking at the heavens, I watched his sleepy eyes staring at me.

We reached the airport fast because NAIA was near our place. He held my hand as we went inside while he sat in a wheelchair. Still, I refused to look at him in the eye and speak even a syllable. Call me afraid and weak. His flight will leave at 9:30 and he had more than an hour to wait for boarding. I stood beside him, watching the others say their goodbyes with sad, mournful faces. I knew right then, when his uncle patted me in the shoulder and pointed his watch, that in minutes, we had to leave. It was hard. I felt his hand squeeze mine and I let go to run and get the teddy bear from my aunt outside. I came back and saw that most of his relatives were already going out---leaving me alone with his mom and him. My feet was heavy when I walked towards him. He welcomed me with a wistful smile--something that released the tears from my eyes. I thought of hugging him but I handed the letter and the teddy bear he gave me last Christmas instead.

When I was asked why I returned something he thought would be the only thing he shall leave as a remembrance, I explained that maybe, after all the hugs I did to the teddy bear that accompanied me every night after that Christmas, it would somehow remind him of me. After all, teddy bears usually cheer persons when they feel down---a magical phenomena that I myself, can't lay a finger upon.

After that and a last squeeze of my hand, I ran out of the airport with his hanky. I felt too silly crying in front of the public, it made me feel like I had cameras around me like what happens during a telenovela shoot. Till now, I can't help but cry every night. It still hurts considering he was the bestest best friend the whole world could ever have. Now, I really don't know what's in store for me. Maybe we were really never meant to be for each other. Maybe it was best that I would be outside a world where I couldn't find myself tied up to him. Maybe, I must stand alone now without him supporting me every time I fall and get bruised even though it's the tiniest one.

Maybe, I would try now to face reality: a sad reality without the person I considered one of those I couldn't part from. It's too hard--i know but I need to stand up. I need to find the real me this time. I need to be real now...without masks concealing my true feelings. I must try not to shy away from facts and force myself to always smile. Well, I will smile and expect that after this endeavor. Sometimes, I usually laugh at myself when I act all jolly during the day and wallow in depression at night. Maybe... I need to seek myself. I'm lost that's why.

Problems are pitching in once more and one by one they try and break me. I'll try not to give in. I'll try... not promise. I'll try. Maybe, I need to see the brighter side of things though at the moment, I really still feel all wounded.

Nah... forget this rant. I'll be okay, folks. I think I just need time to recover, eh? Please don't feel sorry for me...encouragements accepted. :) I shall be okay... yeah I will.

2003-01-20T19:27:00.000-08:00

Life is often unfair. Why do those people who deserve death, escape it's scythe with ease and those who doesn't deserve it's early visit, are taken away? I know the answer is pretty obvious but I've never been on this point that I need to accept what will happen in the next few days. I've always told people who encounter the same question that no one knows when death shall snatch one's breath and dreams. That we should accept that we are in life's circle--we shall all die and no one could ever stop what is bound to happen.

I find it funny to advice others encouraging words yet when the same situation whams its wrath against my face, I find myself incapable of doing what I believe is right.

Now, for two nights, I keep on asking myself why. Why must I be left hurt this early? For goodness' sake, I don't even deserve to be in pain at 15. I am happy, I always remind myself. I am contented, I press the thought harder. But in reality, I mask it all up in a desperate attempt to be unnoticed by people.

My best friend is in the line between life and death and the damn boy didn't even tell me. I feel hurt now. Friends, most especially best friends don't hide secrets from each other, he often tells me that when I feel like I don't want to talk about something bad that had happened. And now, for almost month that he knew he has cancer, he hid the fact from me. And all along, I thought he was fine when he begs off talking to me on the phone, saying he has migraine. All along, I thought it was a silly migraine. All along I thought his trips to the hospital was to have an eye check-up.

Dammit. Now, I'm bruised. What's worse is that he'll be leaving in a few days. I don't even know when. He refuses to talk about it since he claims that he doesn't want to leave me hurt. He claims that he hid it from me because he wanted me to be happy. Goddangit. It pained me more. I would've understood if he had one. I would've done something special to make up for the times we fought. I would've thought of a good solution to make him jolly. Goddangit. How many days have I got? I don't even fucking know. I am the last fucking person who knew. Now, people expect me to be "fine", "happy" and "okay". Shit. I hate this. I just want to have a time turner right now that I may escape everything and fix what had been wrong.

Now I don't know if I'd be mad, furious, in rage or happy. I am no doll that could be passed on to another after use. I felt used. I know that he had good reasons behind his fucking play but I still felt used. You all know the feeling, eh?

*sigh* This is too fucking depressing.

Shit. I'm torn now. I do like him but I can't just disregard that I still love my best friend after all the times we had been close. :( I'm torn because I know that nothing will ever happen between me and my best friend. Zero...nothing. He shall be leaving for the US and I'll be left alone in the cold. He shall be leaving and I don't have any other fully-trusted person around who could listen to my woes. He shall be leaving with a threat in my heart--I don't know if I shall ever see him again. EVER.

I know there are chances and I won't lose hope. Anyway, his cancer is in a mild stage. All I have to do is trust in God and science. That's all I have to do and let the tears flow. That's all, right?

Shit. What would I do now?

ICK. Just let me die now of confusion.

Best song that could describe what I feel?

I know it's silly but...

Jealous
Nina

Jealous of the girl that caught your eye
One of my darker days
When you looked at her, where was I?
Should've been in her place
Here I am, all alone
Imagining what might have been
What could have been
If I have been there

***
Jealous of the one whose arms are around you
If she's keeping you satisfied
Jealous of the one who finally found you
Made your sun and your stars collide
(La la la... La la la la)
She's a very, very lucky girl
(La la la... La la la la)

Jealous of the girl who won your heart
They say it's a perfect match
She's gonna get to be where you are
And it don't get better than that
She say you're fine
Whisper words I wish were mine
What might have been
What could have been
If I have been there

Repeat ***

And you know I'd find a good fight
If I thought I'd change your mind
But if she makes you happy
Then I'll leave the dream behind
And she better treat you right
And give you everything
And the moment that she doesn't
I'll be waiting in the wind

Repeat *** (2x)

Jealous of the one whose arms are around you
If she's keeping you satisfied
Jealous of the one who finally found you
Made your sun and your stars collide

2003-01-11T05:41:00.000-08:00

New layout. Wee.

Kyte! I'm making your layout. Maybe it'll be up by tomorrow! :)

2003-01-10T07:18:00.000-08:00

Oh another thing to rant. PUCHA. Why does life have to be so cruel? I cannot watch Stephen Speaks on February already. *wail* Goddamn semi-finals.

Oh and Stephen Speaks is my lastest obsession. I could listen to their songs 20 times a day with a huge grin that reaches my head till the end of the day. Stephen Speaks in the morning till the wee hours of the morning after.

Oh and two samples of their songs (just GODDAMN look at the lyrics and download it. Swear. I don't know why I'm mushy nowadays. Maybe because of the other moi? *shruggy*):

Passenger Seat

I look at her and have to smile
As we go driving for a while
Looking nowhere in the open window of my car
And as we go the traffic lights
Watch them glimmer in her eyes
In the darkness of the evening

And I've got all that I need
Right here in the passenger seat
Oh and I can't keep my eyes on the road
Knowing that she's inches from me

We stop to get something to drink
My mind pounds and I can't think
Scared to death to say i love her
Then a moon peeks from the clouds
Hear my heart that beats so loud
Try to tell her simply

That I've got all that I need
Right here in the passenger seat
Oh and I can't keep my eyes on the road
Knowing that she's inches from me

Oh and I've got all that I need
Right here in the passenger seat
Oh and I can't keep my eyes on the road
Knowing that she's inches from me

Oh and I know this love grow

Oh I've got all that I need
Right here in the passenger seat
Oh and I can't keep my eyes on the road
Knowing that she's inches from me

And I've got all that I need
Right here in the passenger seat
Oh and I can't keep my eyes on the road
Knowing that she's inches from me

And I've got all that I need
Right here in the passenger seat
Oh and I can't keep my eyes on the road
Knowing that she's inches from me

And I've got all that I need
Right here in the passenger seat

Out of my League (ficlog picture lyrics...go see)

It's her hair and her eyes today
That just simply take me away
And the feeling that i'm falling further in love
Makes me shiver but in a good way

All the times i have sat and stared
As she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair
And she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,
With me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say

But i love her with all that i am
And my voice shakes along with my hands
Cause it's frightening to be swimming in this great sea
But I'd rather be here than on land
And she's all that I see and she's all that I need
And i'm out of my league once again

It's a masterful melody when she calls out my name to me
As the world spins around her she laughs, rolls her eyes
And i feel like i'm falling but it's no surprise
That i love her with all that i am
And my voice shakes along with my hands
Cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
But i'd rather be here than on land
And she's all that i see and she's all that i need
And i'm out of my league once again

Promish, pare. These are the best songs.

2003-01-10T06:48:00.000-08:00

I'm still alive. Nyahaha. I've been TOO goddamn busy these days that I managed to REFUSE the computer for almost a week. Isn't that...exciting? You see, I'm not one of those who would rather spend their time loitering around the mall checking out the latest trends in clothing or checking out the stand-outs among the hundreds of boys. No offense to anyone. Life for the boring Les is the computer, good books and spending nothing in the couch of the cozy living room. Oh. And add a little bit of insanity to spice everything up...perfect.

During the days I've missed blogging, I had been catching up with the book trend by indulging myself in Steele, Roberts, Rice and Sparks. *Sigh* I know, I know...I had been disgustingly mushy for two weeks which made my inner sensible other-part-of-moi scream in horror: "You are not Les! Get away! You are not Les!" So...where had the adventurous, anti-mushy moi gone? That I cannot answer. All of a sudden, after reading Spark's Message in a Bottle, going gaga and dragging my mom to the bookstore for more, the scary moi appeared. Don't ask how, why, and what. Wierdness had been in my blood from the moment I was conceived.

So I've read a total of 6 books (turning 7 after tonight, hopefully) in a span of a week. Pretty creepy, eh? I even remembered finishing the HP Book 4 in a day and a half. Maybe speed reading really runs in the genes. My dad could finish a thick, more than three thousand big pages with small, too small fonts, let me point out---in four days. Clark Kent must be my ancestor, don't you think? Or Darna and Wonderwoman?

So as I was saying, I've turned into a certified book bummer. Surprisingly, I even balanced my time with reading and doing goddamn lectures. Let me say this per letter: A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.

Yes, amazing it is yet I think I overdid my too amazing newly-done schedule. I think I've reached the highest level of stress that my head hurts like hell. I couldn't see straight during class discussions and felt like fainting everytime I stood up. Hay. Why dear God do I have to be extra special that people wham me with LOTS of responsibilities that the deadline dates are swarming over my head, slowly making myself want to cut my wrists open to escape it all?

First, I am the unnofficially appointed oic of the outreach of our batch. I don't know. I just feel like Sr. Ofelia placed the leadership into my shoulders after collecting and literally begging my classmates to pay the 400 bucks fee, at the same time, assigned to coordinate with the other class' unnofficially appointed oic, MC, regarding the games and other eck eck balush-ness.
Secondly, being the Asst. Ed-in-Chief of the paper, I had to make articles, edit the Sports, Lit and Entertainment articles and help Jaime pick those that will appear in the second issue that is being rushed to reach the deadline on March. Hell. The first issue has not yet been published! Headache.
Thirdly, in two week's time, there goes the semis. Meaning, I have THREE difficult (kind of) projects to be passed next week (which were only discussed this week) and long tests to prepare for. I need to maintain the goddamn 2nd place right now or I shall say bye bye to my online identity.

Fourthly, I am, once AGAIN, the Stage Manager/Scriptwriter of our class play/project: Kanser by J.P Rizal. Hell. I need a script for a guide! I hope Ate April would be kind to help. Texted her last night about it and I am determined, AT ALL COSTS to get my hands on the Gantimpala script which is with Ate Rachel who resides in the UST dorm. I don't care if hell breaks loose when I go without permission, since I'm not allowed practically 10 feet from the house. Imagine! Me...doing the script? Hell. I'd LOVE to but that's a great burden!
Anyway, can't back out anymore or 24 pairs of eyes shall glare at me if I quit. Besides, I want to show everyone that our section isn't the measly-St. Angelo-lang-yan. We are good and that I shall prove. I have two original song compositions at hand to be sung. It'd be a semi-musical in my POV. Isn't that bubbly, headthrobbing-ly great?
Fifth and the most terrible: The turnover. HECK. WHY TURNOVER? NO JS. Wee? To think the dress, according to my wubbable Cathy (get well soon sistah), is pale ORANGE. Yuck. Major Yuck. Well, can you blame the nuns for being concerned with teen pregnancy and pre-marital sex-after-prom? Oh and did I tell that my pockets are nearly empty with all the expenses? There goes the field trip too. But that's an exception. The school, FINALLY after shying away from the cheap thrill of going beyond the borders of the school cell till coastal mall (which is only a few kms away, mind you), decides to go to Bataan and Subic. Mwahahahaha.
Last but not the least, I just knew from Kate that I'm part of the YFC-BLS newsletter staff. Goddangit that again...AM I A SUPERHERO with extraordinary brains and hands to accomplish all of these?

Sheesh.

Oh. Oh. And I have my hands in THE ALCHEMIST by Coelho right now. Weeee....

Another rant:

Why do things turn out the worst a day before you planned everything almost perfectly?

The car shall be fixed tomorrow and that means I have no choice but to watch LOTR in SM Bicutan despite the poor facilitated theaters there surrounded by errr... people who don't care about the story but squeal loud bec. they find the characters cute. Goodness gracious. I'd like to watch in G4. I initially planned to and even had sure seats. It's so happened that the stupid car screwed my plans for tomorrow (including the project making here with my group) and made me suffer last minute. I want g4. I want but my equally strict parents won't. I just pray that the car would be fixed before 3pm tom. or it'll be officially the day Lesley Rosal dies of severe insanity. I MEAN IT.

Oh. And won't blog much for the whole month. Per week computer using perhaps or I'll be thrown into the pits of hell if I screw all my responsibilities up. Woo. Celebrate, dearies.

Anyhoo...I love you all. You all know who you are.

Scary. VERY Scary.

Tata, loveybunches.

...and Ate Mai, please don't tell anyone the naughty me. Except if they insist to really know how irk-able I am.

The madness of the new year. I hate being a junior.

2002-12-25T21:21:00.000-08:00

The past few days had been rather--wierd--since there were times I feel so low and giddy the next minute without sufficient reasons to be in such states. Maybe because it's Christmas? And speaking of Christmas, I couldn't conclude right away that I enjoyed this year more than the previous ones. Well, the usual things happened--mom dragged me into different shopping centers for great bargains (well you won't blame her...this country is getting poorer every passing minute), relatives and friends gave gifts both in cash and kind (which got kinda boring since they were the usual--shirts, figurines, pillows, stuffed bears--but I would be a hypocrite if I'd say that I didn't jump when I received HANDFULS of cash), reunions here and there that made my tummy ache (I don't have to worry about getting fat since no matter how much I eat, my figure stays the same...buahaha...I lurve my metabolism) and hints of boredom creeping once in a while.

The first few days of my vacation, which started on the 21st, were blunt--I had practically NOTHING to do but sit on the couch and daydream till my butt got sore. Sleep became an instant best friend that turned out to be a nightmare after severe headaches came about, which according to my wubbly mom is because of oversleeping. Promise, pare...sitting on front of the PC and the TV, eating and taking naps were not the things I was expecting to do during these two weeks of freedom. Actually, I had everything planned---I would finish the damn class website since I now have my hands on the wuberly photoshop 7, I'd finish my damn fics and perhaps finish reading the 2nd of the LOTR series before I see it in theaters on the 3rd of January. I would have done the first task---which was the website---by a day or two but my MS Frontpage screwed up, making it hard for me to view the outcome of the nasty html I've written before publishing it online. I won't spend lots of cash by going and working online, no? I've told myself I needed to save money before eternal damnation caused by the "broke nananaman ako!" would consume me. I hate seeing myself literally begging my mom to buy these and that---I'd rather splurge on my own savings.

So screw the website, I'm still having a hard time adjusting the frames.

Fics? I'd rather not talk about them here or my head would go rolling on the floor after being chopped by my own hands. The past few weeks had made me more lunatic--too much that I, myself, wonder how normal I look to others. Syet, di ako normal! But I'm working on the 2nd chapter of the gift fic. Magagawa ko ba? (Like I could do something about it.)

The Two Towers. Gave up for a while to read the book I've been dying to buy---"Message in a Bottle" by Nicholas Sparks. Ewan. I'm really not a Sparks fan since I really didn't like his "A Walk to Remember" much. A friend claimed that "Message" made her cry and I was dying to see if it would indeed work on me. I'm really not a crybaby when it comes to watching dramatic, tearkjerker movies unlike my mother dear--same goes with books. I don't know...maybe I'm really THAT neutral (which scares me A LOT).

So I bought the damn book after carefully debating if it'd be a waste of money and time. I actually wanted to buy a DWJ novel, if it hadn't been out-of-stock in the mall nearby. So there I was, stuck with Sparks.

The first few chapters intrigued me and I found myself drawn further into the later chapters--like a fan screaming "I loooooooove youuu, idol", accompanied by awful shrieks although they REALLY don't have a clue who they are shrieking for (only in the Philippines dear folks)--well you get the picture.

I can't seem to put down the book though my mom kept on shrieking "It's three in the morning. Don't force me to keep that." Ahhh...dammit. I am announcing that I fell in love with the book to the point I'm in a serious state of empathy. Gawddammit...it didn't have to be THAT tragic. It was too heart-wrenching...I CRIED. Whoa, I thought to myself while a tear fell last night as I read the last letter of Garret Blake, hindi ako to! Pucha. I never really cried when reading. Heck, I'm not even a sucker for romance novels since I'm a Ludlum fan--well my mother dragged me, what can I do? Pucha talaga.

So here I am....depressed. Malay ko ba na ganun? I didn't expect that love could be too tragic when everything seems right. I am gushing pa nga over Garret Blake. If boys were like him, I won't have second thoughts entering a relationship at my age--despite of my vow to never fall. Gwabe, he's one heck of a man. Who, in this liberated world, would love till forever? Except those people above 30, who are damn sincere like my dad. Forever in the sense that he shut his world up for three years because he was still madly in love with his deceased wife. ACK...the fucking book. The fucking book still haunts me. I wouldn't mind reading it again--which I plan to do after typing this.

I need a fucking good book--with a damn good ending. GOOD AND HAPPY ending. A romance novel with a GOOD and HAPPY ending. Shucks...or else I'd be stuck with my silly "Message" hangover--the same hangovers I have when a watch a good, movie and anime. Welp?

Going to the anime hangover topic, I can't still seem to get over my Gundam Wing giddyness. Last week, I found myself going to the toy section and just staring at the original Gundam figures up the shelf in SMBicutan.

Saleslady: Ma'am, para po sa kapatid niyo?
Me: *shakes head*
Saleslady: Para kanino po? Buy one take one na po yan for Php 1,499.00.
Me: MAGKANO?
Saleslady: Php 1,499.00 po. Konti na lang po stocks namin nyan kasi ang daming batang bumili.

*mother goes beside me*

Me: Mom...ayun o. Kay Mark. *sheepish grin*
Mom: Magkano?
Me: Buy one take one, Php 1,499.00
Mom: ANO? DALAWA?
Me: *nods*
Mom: Anong gagawin ni Mark sa dalawa?
Me: *whispers* Akin yung isa.
Mom: *in a shrieking mode* SAYO? KABABAE MONG TAO!

Yep, and everybody was staring at me while the saleslady smirked. Syet.
But I returned to stare at them again. If only I had a hundred thousand bucks or 15 year olds are allowed to join the bloody "Game KNB" I would buy the whole shelf. Hah.

But for now...allow me to wail in despair. *stamps foot*

Oooh. I'd borrow Gravitation later. It's either I watch or lose 500 bucks. I was fucking blackmailed. But hey, many people recommended the damn series. It may be yaoi but...errr... I may like it. *hentai mode* *grin grin grin*

Hey. "Message" had bad scenes...but I survived. Woo... me and my hentai friend's influence.

Anyhoo.. Merry Christmas to everyone especially to Ate Syaoran no Hime and Mee and Elee and Kyte--those I failed to greet since they have no mobile. Or do you have?

Current Obsessions: "Message in a Bottle" by Pareng Nicholas Sparks (close kame)
"Passenger Seat" by Stephen Speaks (the best pare if you're in looooove)

LSS: Though I hate the singer---can't resist this song eh. Malay... "Falling Down" by Avril Lavigne

P.S
May not blog much. I'm goin to Puerto Galera along with fresh dollars.Buahaha. Cousin from the States will arrive tomorrow. Meaning---may pera. Buahaha again.

Joyeux Noel!

2002-12-20T07:09:00.000-08:00

I have done quite a long reflection about what I had written in this blog recently and I came up with a conclusion that I had been too harsh.

The girl and I are actually friends--a fact I failed to mention during my careless rantings.

We weren't really close since we had contradicting views on life and different sets of friends. What bonded us together were the deepest secrets we shared that we swore to keep hidden from others. I really don't know where our friendship started. And if you ask any of my classmates regarding our so-called bond, they'd probably shake their heads and disagree. You see, many of my classmates dislike her because she gets too bossy at times and shouts at the slightest mistakes people make. We were two different people: I am patient and loved by my class (totoo ba, KC? Love mo naman ako mama, diba? buahaha) while she was moody and secretly talked about by those who hate her.

If my weak memory serves me right, I think we started trusting each other after the big fight the whole class had. It was Steph, me and the others versus her, Ayn, Charlene, Charms and Cathy. I won't narrate the whole thing because it would take me forever and a day to finish. Anyway, after the fight was settled my the loveable Sr. Aida, her group disbanded and she started going with Margaret.

Since then, Cathy's group began showing her how much they dislike her attitude while I remain quiet amidst the ongoing bout.

So when did I finally admitted that I cannot control my patience anymore? That was during the outreach talks when she hit me right through my git. You people probably know that since I had one hell of a rant.

But after we had the open forum and she finally told everybody that she feels bad having almost all of us against her, I realized the faults I made. It's true that I'm a VERY frank person except during the times I said quite offending words behind her back. It was just that I was afraid of telling her "hey...i hate you" or something similar with that sentence. Afraid in the sense that she might go and say "duh...whatever" with the rolling eyeballs. Get what I mean? I really don't like people disliking me. It hurts me a lot that my eyelids aren't in peace unless my feet goes near the phone and I dial the number of the person who I had a misunderstanding with.

So...the guilty I apologized and finally told her what I felt. It happened when I saw her eating alone. I felt that maybe I should settle things straight before hell breaks loose. We had an awkward talk at first since she got teary-eyed knowing that I had been too plastic the past few days. During the whole convo, this line struck me the most: "I don't know, Les. You are someone I trust more than my best friend. It hurts."

There went my conscience rolling downhill.

I never knew I WAS that special. To think pa that I was known to be someone who hates nobody but understands. Maybe, that's where I failed to live up to my life philosophy about understanding those who had done wrong--when I told all of you about this teensy problem.

First of all, I want to apologize to everybody for making you guys believe the negative side of things. I should've acted more like the REAL old me: someone who understands. I should've looked at both sides of the picture before going beserk and spreading hatred. I concentrated more on her wrongdoings in my rantage that I made some of you hate her the same. Honestly, looking at myself at the moment, I do not know who I am unlike before. It's probably because I conceal my emotions well that when time comes that everything has piled up in a great, big mass of pain, I burst like a bubble. What's worse, is I burst out MORE than a measly bubble. I go pop and boom! Behold the badass me!

So I deleted the posts containing the bad rants. Mama Clarett is right when she told me that I need to delete the entries before her trust shatters and hate pushes its way through the whole class' unity. St. Angelo, anyway, though only 25 and unknown, is the section which has love and friendship as foundations. As I said, I love all my classmates. They are the best persons that thought me everything from apathy to zeal. And if given the chance to stop time, I'd stop to savor every laughing and crying moment with them. Prolly when I grow old, though I may have countless friends that would pass after them, they would still be the best---the best section in the SHS HS Dept in spite of the loss in the Spirit Queen. Pareng Rai...kahit di ka nanalo, mahal pa rin kita. Kahit na alam nating nag-aalinlangan tayo sa kinalabasan ng lahat dahil maraming beses tayong nakaangat sa lahat, ikaw pa rin Spirit Queen. We'll show everybody that St. Angelo is not ONLY St. Angelo but a section that would mark something worthy of remembering in SHS history. Not in terms of awards and recognitions but a class who stood up together against all odds and loved like no class ever did.

Mabuhay St. Angelo. I wuv you all. Mwah. Mwah. Kiss. Kiss. Hug. Hug. Glomp. Crunch. Smack. Slap.

-----------------

I saw you and I was about to greet you after the coronation but ya know... I felt too bad about the outcome that I needed to be in the classroom before a tear falls. I don't want people to see how disappointed we were. Keh. It's done anyway, accepting defeat is the thing that must be done. Pero Ate Nike is sexy na pala ha? And your hair is still the same. :) Too bad you weren't there! I looked nice a while ago. Sayang! Kehehe. Just jokin'. :)

2002-11-25T10:37:00.000-08:00

Anyway...

New link: Ate Elisha.

2002-11-25T10:35:00.000-08:00

What I feel right now?

Some things are better kept secret from the public. Prying eyes are everywhere and I really don't want to stir up a controversy. You all know how people are nowadays...

Anyway, if you'd like to know the issue, I'm an email/text away.

Really, I need to be killed.

2002-11-23T21:46:00.000-08:00

The time of year again. I'm preparing myself for a battle against anxiety.
Tomorrow shall be the day I would face more or less 150 students. Convince them, even. TA-DA!
Extemporaneous speaking. *falls over*

My heart is thumping too fast at the moment. I'm scared. I'm dreadful. I'm sick. I want to run far, far away till no one hears of my existence. Bye bye Juniors. Argh.

See? I'm exercising stupidity in this blog at the moment with redundant sentences.

My mind is full of what ifs. What if I stutter? What if I don't know what the topic is about? What if instead of going straight to the point, I'd find myself travelling to the moon? What if I fidget onstage? What if I get cut off by the one minute limit? What if I babble nonsense?

Shiznit naman. I hate this. I shouldn't have won last year's contest that everybody would realize I am nearing death because of irregular heart beat. Hate. Hate. Hate. Ack. I don't even know what is happening in the goverment. Well, our government is a waste of my precious time so why bother to even read the paper?

Bwiseeeet.

Our batch is finding dyed pants all over Metro Manila. As of this very minute, wala pang nakikita. Damnit. Why not jeans and shirt na lang? Tamo, Christi had to go to Baclaran pa to find the rare summer wear. Bah. But I am proud of our song interpretation ha? May laban. We could beat *ahem* you-know-who. Nah. I'm a good girl. I don't *hate* them nor seek a fight.

YAY. The poetry reading is DONE. I wub joo all. Lyka is good na with her violin. Neslly? Shush. All around musician yan ng batch..of course, diba? What would you expect? *bows down*
Rachel is GOOD din. She's extraordinarily good. The organ-flute combo is tute. VERY tute.

Raissa! She'll be wearing a GOWN! Imagine! Raissa Morales! Diyos ko po. I would like to see how our Spirit Queen would look. She shall be very princess-y. *starry eyes* Of course, L.A...malilimutan ko ba to? L.A Ramos, we shall rock the stage.

Of course, ako, *sniff* director. Diba, nice? Heh. I'm imagining a stage full of candles and suspense. Buahaha.

Good luck to everybody. I wub joo all. Carline, Rai-chan, Hannah, Liezl, lahat...! Ako din siguro. Good luck to moi. *sniffle* Don't kill me if I lose. Naw, I would TRY for all of you. TRY for Rai-chan and her title.

*grin* I feel good na.

Oh...Loren-chan is helping me with ficcage. Yay.

2002-11-22T15:39:00.000-08:00

Inuyasha-nized finally.

Err...great?

2002-11-20T07:30:00.000-08:00

I've been very sentimental lately. My reasons for being too sober are unfathomable. Argh. I am not myself lately.
I easily get hurt by insults, which I normally take as compliments or languages fools use that I must not, at all cost, seriously take. I am always insulted, though jokingly done. Hell, I really don't know IF I love my classmates or dislike them after the incidents a while ago. Well, with the exception of my friends who I love so much.

They are going too far with their jokes. Except for the Chemistry joke since I laughed my head off at my own stupidity. I'm talking about HER. Oh fuqit. I hate her. Life was at peace without her. She's been giving me stern looks and pointing out my every mistake lately.

Just because I never gave out my Chemistry grade when she asked me to (obviously to compare...duh.), I was called boastful. Well, of course, hoards of morons followed her word, saying that I was trying hard to be humble. Fuq you.

This kind of thinking they have is rather absurd. When a girl doesn't want to give out her score in an exam, considering she got high, she is called boastful. When a girl gives out her score, she, again, is considered to be inflicted with hydrocephalus. Shit. All you conformists.

JUST because I find comparing scores stupid, I am a humbug? Oh for Pete's sake, do you ever think straight? It's actually moronic to ask "Hey, what did you get?" in EVERY exercise/test/seatwork/assignment, in my own opinion. Behind the question, as what I've observed, is the intention of superiority. Yes, it's human nature to compete against each other BUT I'd rather be quiet in a competition, not because I want to show off how down to earth I am. True, I am not conceited of my countless achievements and if ever I became, once, twice or a few times, I did it for a reason. Like when I got a 98 in the flute test... hell, I WASN'T expecting.

So what's the use of asking the results of my tests? To satisfy your need of knowing who you could beat? Or if you have a chance?

I shall still stand on my convictions. Idiocy arises from the fuss of asking whether you did PERFECTLY well in tests or not. And I am an inch far from complete idiocy, so to not to be entirely considered one of the 'clan', I shall stay in my position. Try to go father, even.

Another thing, I may not be one of those you call PRETTY but I have BRAINS and EMOTIONS unlike those who could pass as telenovela contravidas+robots. And I think first before I speak things that unconsciously fire back at my blazing tongue.

So what, do I hate you? Not hate. TERRIBLE DISLIKE, perhaps. TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE DISLIKE.

Oh! Oh! I got HIGH in the Chemistry long test. Woohoo. A heartwrenchingly high 91.67. Buahaha. There. I am in my boastful mode since I sucked at Chem last quarter. I have a reason to rejoice, eh?

I shall rise again this quarter. I shall. I shall.

Speaking of rising...

I shall report the encyclical letter of the Pope tomorrow. Religion. Erg. And goddamnit...I have a truckload of assignments. Fuq.

2002-11-19T08:16:00.000-08:00

New linkage: Ate Maia :)

2002-11-17T00:32:00.000-08:00

I'm in the mall. In an internet cafe. Just finished watching Harry Potter. Gaaaaaaaaah. Ron is so lovely. *drool*
Chamber is my favorite of the 4 released and Columbus did justice. ESPECIALLY...

when he chose a cute guy to play Riddle. Fuqit Gwapo!

Anyway... I'm still (according to Te Kai...) in the Harry Potter mode. Gyaaah.

2002-11-14T08:28:00.000-08:00

Oh. And the link to the web of my class... I made that. Serious tweakage shall be done by December. I shtoopid.
I shall InuYasha-nize this blog later. x_x

2002-11-14T08:26:00.000-08:00

Today, I've seen a good light in every person in our class. My assumptions were wrong. I take it all back. You guys are the best and you just don't know how many buckets of tears I plan to shed next year when we graduate. I wistfully imagine what college would be when we all go our separate ways. *sniffle wiffle*

Hah. Hah. Hah. I have been reading my past entries and I came up with a very brilliant observation concerning my ever-increasing insanity count. Les is insane. That's something one should take note of especially when he/she plans to befriend this typing moron. Eep.

My grades went high surprisingly as fast as a bullet train. Chemistry rewarded me with a straight 100 in both assignments and quizzes. Well, with the exception of the last two quizzes wherein I got 88. Bloody hell...that's fucking high. Be proud my kiddies. (As is I have one...kaching.)

Would you believe that I was the only one who passed the latest surprise computer test out of 24 students? AKO LANG. Pucha. I didn't even study. *blink* Life is getting better, eh? I love me.

Hah. No more drafting for THE. You just don't know how much I love to kill the subject. Not the teacher huh? I *gulp* like my THE teachers.

To-day is a very nice, nice, nice, (nd did I just say nice?) day. I hugged 23 people. Bweehaha. Watch out Loren, may plano ako sayo. Bwahaha. I could be very evil. Religion proved to be very interesting a while ago. With people's eyes welling in tears and smiles I never knew existed in the class I deemed to be "unreal", yesh, I love this day. Christi, that hair of yours must watch out. I have discovered a new fascination of pulling your hair by surprise. Wag mong plantsahin yung buhok mo. It's better that way: the broomstick style. Nyehaha. Magsama kayo ni Carline. :)

-----

For three days, how much sleep did I take? A whopping 3 hours. Ain't that forking nice? I do love myself. I am such a good, good girl. *Pats her own head*. And bullshit. Sabi ko... hindi decaf, what's the use of coffee without the sparkling caffeine? Shtoopid me. Shtoopid, shtoopid.

-----

Bad trip yata buong Agatha kanina. I don't want to be nosy but don't you think that it's rather unfair that we were too happy. I repeat TOO happy na parang nakaka-offend because their faces were all gloomy unlike the bungis-ngis look they wear everyday?

-----

Be proud. I know flute. I love the flute na. I weeeally love the flute because I could play "Yoru no Uta" and "Suka-retto". Nyeahaha. Speaking of instruments, I am directing the poetry reading of our batch and we are one week away from doom yet no practice had been initiated. Argh. Shtoopid me.

-----

Fuck. When I had the gall to open the TV and watch the Maalaala Mo Kaya episode, I noticed the mass proliferation of interview-based/reality-daw commercials. Puucha. Sawa na ako sa Likas Papaya Commercial na yan. Pucha. Wala na bang maisip na matino yung mga companies showing those commercials. Damn it spoils 30 seconds-2 minutes of my forking life. Goodness, bwiiissseeet. But I love the "Ay hindi up and down commercial" and the "Tsoles...Tsoles...Tsolesterol." Buahaha. At least they make me go "weee". I feel un-15-ish. Go Jollibee.
-----

My brother is siiicccckkk. My baby brother is siiiiiick and I love him to death that I hate seeing him siiick. Fuqit. Gwabe. Ako yata sunod. I am experiencing violent near-cough symptoms. Uh-oh. Not oregano tea mommy. That forking stinks. Oh well, Filipnos and their wierd herbal-is-effective way of thinking. Nahawa na mommy ko... badly inflicted with the No-it's-good-for-you-though-it-sucks-really-bad-*insert whine* syndrome of desperate mommies.

----

Nyah. I miss the phone. I miss reading. No time. Forkit. Oh. I have another new word added to 'Wierdo Dictionario'...Forkit.
Forkit! Ahaha.

Uh-oh...long test bukas sa History. Putaks Forkit.

2002-11-05T07:02:00.000-08:00

So much for the humor.

Ranting Galore Chapter 2:

Note: Not appopriate for humans with exemplary intelligence, 0% idiocy and good brain function. It is therefore advised to throw away your sanity. WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU REMAIN SENSIBLE IN A NONSENSE REALM?

On with the show...

----------

AYOKO NA!

In Filipino, I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate. Err...maybe not. x_x

Grr..it's 11 pm and whalla...I haven't thoroughly memorized the oxidation numbers in CHEMISTRY.

Yes, yes. Life is such a big big bum. Poof. I am being slowly disembodied by the devil called school. High School pa lang yan. What awaits me after two years, considering I'm taking up a course a lot of people dread?

I try to look at life's brighter side at the moment but it seems that its brighter side isn't bright enough to be even considered bright. I'm falling into lunacy. Good.

Olivia, pag binabasa mo to, asarin mo ko. Sige. Tease me, honey...uupakan kita. *glare*

*smiles wide, VERY VERY WIDE* To-mor-row is a very very very happy day since I shall have another trip to the principal's office and receive a good dose of scolding. W0075g3? Oh yes, t3h w0075ge! Wait. Let me correct that. WE shall all go to the office tomorrow. Me, myself, moi and my classmates. ALL of my classmates. Ha. Ha. Ha. And folks, that's why I DETEST Physical Education. Weally. I don't get the point of studying that course. Eventually, even without exercising, I shall mold with the earth, my corpse as rotten or more rotten than rotten eggs and tomatoes.

And that's because I'm a moron, we're a moron and this world makes me moronic to the point that I transcend the peeks of idiocy. We. forgot. to. bring. the PE. uniform since we thought we had Lecture class instead of the usual "Hands on your waist, bend, stretch..yesh...uhuh. uhuh.". Weee... all of us were absent though we had class. I repeat...WEEEE!

What else?

Mmm...MATH. ACKGHRTGBH!!!!!! I studied that gawddamn subject last night yet I was unable to answer 10 points of the problem solving. Eep. !(To think that our family has a lineage of mathematicians)!

And then...and then...

I had to explain catechism a while ago BE-CAUSE my teacher wuves me to the point that even though I know that my answer is insignificant to the statement, well not really, unsure perhaps, she agrees. *sigh* Long gone were the days I daydreamed during that subject. Bah. Humbug. (*does the Scrooge grunt*)

BUT...

I did manage to get three straight 100% in Chemistry.

Oh thou sarcastic me, rejoice to the fullest!

[/end insanity]

*switches back to the alter ego of her another's another alter ego*

2002-11-03T01:06:00.000-08:00

While I was in the *ahem* CR *ahem* taking a bath (No hentai! *glares*) I remembered the cookie monster song I loved so much when I was a child (yes, I was and still a Cookie Monster fan...woo). But instead of singing 'C is for cookie...' I replaced it with my best best best pal... (taa-daa) Ahem. Coffee.

And so for the whole day I sang a stupid song, not caring if I was considered crazy.

'C is for coffee
It's good enough for meee...
C is for coffee
It's good enough for meee...
C is for coffee
It's good enough for meee...
OH!
Coffee, Coffee, Coffee starts with C-C-C
Coffee, Coffee, Coffee starts with C---------------------'

Break is over. Bye Bye Halloween. Hello school, how I missed joo. (ARGH)

2002-10-29T02:25:00.000-08:00

I got a WHOPPING 70% in the Chemistry test. Now, I shall throw a PARTY! [/sarcasm]

2002-10-28T03:58:00.000-08:00

Tangina. Shit.

Hay. Tagal ko ng gusto gamitin yung murang yan. Tangina talaga.

Fine. So a 67.1 % for THE, a minor subject, which I failed in terms of application. And I'm so pissed. So, so, so pissed. I slept late gulping large amounts of caffeine to memorize the gazillion terms in the book but none of those I reviewed came out. Shit. Shit. Sobra.

And then, and then... Halloween break starts on Thursday pa. Sucky huh?

*crosses her fingers* Tomorrow is doomsday. I have a hunch I shall get low on Chemistry and Religion. But maybe, having a perfect 100% in Health would perk my day up...yeah Les, wish and weep.

So, feeble me won't expect being in the top anymore. Go ahead, laugh you jerks...ha. ha. ha.

Being smart sucks. Really. I am wishing to get out of high school...fast and face college (which I know is weaaaally hard) though mom must have coffee as a necessity like milo and milk. Speaking of cocoa, I'm hungry.

2002-10-25T01:57:00.000-07:00

Thank you so much. Well, he's conscious already and the results shall be out tomorrow so I hope our prayers will work. Thank you again, you just don't know how much you comforted me. You see, I really don't trust people much especially in reality. That's why I *force* a smile and tell nothing to my friends only to break down later and seek solace through writing and ranting in a realm where nobody knows me. Me, as myself in real life.

Anyway, thank you so much.

2002-10-24T00:07:00.000-07:00

I just read her lj entry and it opened a few heartache wounds that I desperately hid months ago. No. I'm not blaming her suddenly remembering. It's just that...I felt the exact pain she was feeling when I read her entry.

Another thing, he is in the hospital right now. He was rushed around 10:45 pm last night because he fainted and his fever was getting abnormally high. No diagnosis have been forwarded yet.

And yes. I am worried. I am inclined to. He is my best friend after all. The one who understood me. Who stuck by me when I needed someone to cry my worries on. Most of all, I love him. I love him as a brother, a friend and just...just simply because I love him. I know he feels the same but I try to hide that he might not notice. I'm scared. I'm terrified of the consequences that would arise when I succumb into a relationship that may lead to the destruction of a friendship that was strongly built.

I'm horrified of the thought that I might lose him. Yes. Call me selfish now. It's just that, I have this wonderful, wonderful man who happens to be my closest friend. He's too wonderful that everything I wanted in a friend, in a guy and in a person fitted right into his shoes.

These are the reasons why I feel so down at the moment. He is in the hospital and I cannot do anything but to call and ask if he's fine. I cannot go for the fact that I do not want to see him lying limply on the bed while I stare at his weak form without anything at hand to cure him. My words could bring joy but...no. I am not happy at the moment. I do not want to pretend. It would certainly hurt him. Add to that is the truth that I am a coward. I cannot face trials without someone I would cling on to.

And that someone is him.

Maybe, if he wasn't confined, I would have screamed too much on the phone and his ears would be half-deaf because of my day rantings. I would have told him how I sucked in Religion today and how I simply looooovvvve the History test. Maybe, he would have been slaving over the lasagna he used to bring me.

I'm afraid.

He is sick and I don't know why and what is the virus type/bacteria/pathogen/call-it-whatever-I-don't-care-damnit that went into his system.

Francis. Seven letters that simply gave me a hard time to type. It was his name, that's why. His name.

Instead of crying, I write. I write nonsense but I know and I'm sure that somehow, even though it was a piece of junk, it holds a precious value. A value that no one could ever surpass because it was inspired by him. Not that I'm implying that my works are beyond excellence huh?

Till this very minute, he hasn't awakened and I am near tears. Though how hard I try not to weep, pain is consuming me and I'm in verge of breaking apart. All I have right now are my books, myself, and a rosary.

Though how hard I concentrate and focus myself on tomorrow's crucial exams, his figure hanging on for dear life is plaguing my thoughts...playing with my memories...seeking to confine my being into a world of worries and pessimism.

Still... the tears remain behind my eyes and I hold each back.

He's going to be okay...

He's going to be fine...

And he shall be bringing me brownies next week, when he's strong enough to bike his way up here.

He will. I believe.

Though the pain engulfs me. Though I deny.

2002-10-21T05:11:00.000-07:00

Another chapter of nonsense rantings: *Loads of patience required. No firearms allowed.*

Dammit. Why in the world would YOU have to undergo inhaling the nauseating scent of seaweeds for 1 hour? Oh no. For a day. A DAY! Shiznit. It smelled like raw fish and dead rats. Seaweeds+Apple juice=baaaaaaad. My tongue shall never, ever taste THAT icky substance. Well that is if they want puke all over their faces. Still, that awful torture isn't a good excuse for a punishment of evading the gruesome 2nd year annual project of frog dissection.

No more jellies for me. I can't stand the fact that the yummy treat came from those hellish plants. Poor, poor jelly-ace. :p

My tummy still hurts accompanied by a very severe headache. And I owe it all to the oo-la-la plant called Agar. Thank you for making my day [/sarcasm].

----

Extemporaneous speech contest. One minute. Next month. Cultural Contest. Me.

Argh. I have to deal with the daily paper again. It's not that I don't like representing the whole batch to compete against the other year levels huh? Me likey, in fact. *beams*

But.

Dangit, what if I stutter on stage and lose my title as last year's champion? What if I get cut off by the one-minute time limit bell because I babble too much? What. If? Of course, if that happens, you'll still love me, right? Right? *hides*

-----

Flute+Les=di---sas---ter. Cover your ears, please. I hate, hate, hate the flute. I blow too hard. My fingers tremble in place. Too many damn holes to cover. And another stupid instrument to learn, which doesn't EXACTLY scream SENSIBLE. What is the need of learning the flute? Receiving "CUT THAT SQUEAKY SOUND, YOU TRY-HARD PHR35K!"s?

*strums on her guitar*

-----

Romans! Islam! Why the hell do I need to memorize names such as Cicero, Abu Bakr, Shah Jahan, Marcus Aurelius when their corrupted bodies have mingled with the earth? Yes. Yes. His---TO---ry=need. But still... grrr.

-----

You humans! You pollute the earth! You're the reason why your fellow beings sweat uncontrollably because of global warming. You! You.. *speaks to herself in disgust*

-----

Nobody's texting me. Nobody loves me. I am lonely. *headbang*

-----

ACK! LONG TEST TOMORROW! LOADS OF STANDBY LECTURES TO FINISH. THE END IS NIGH! THE END IS NIGH!

-----

I won 3rd in the computer academic contest. Shall I say eureka?

-----

To be continued...

Again, please keep your firearms 10 feet away.

x_x!!!

2002-10-17T04:41:00.000-07:00

Academic Contest. Science. Math. General Info. Spelling. Computer. Religion. Brain overload. Headache. Color Swirls. Tomorrow is doomsday. I shall be judged. Gawddamn, six out of seven contests. Two of which I NEVER expected that I would eneter.
Will my brain EVER recover from its future exhaustion?

Erg. And I'm ficcing write now. RIGHT now, when everything seems blurry and my heart is abnormally working its way to 200 beats. Okay, I'm exagerrating. 0_x

Zoom...about the mystery girl who got 93? It's me! Ish is moi! Weee.

2002-10-16T14:06:00.000-07:00

Oh another thing. Where the heck could you find Agar? It's a seaweed used for making jellies. Heck, I do not know. Our teacher just gave the project last Monday and the whole Juniors have been searching the procedures of the gelatin bar-making process. Now, a friend of mine told me that Agar is rare and usually, Chinese stores sell them.

HELL. CHINESE STORES? *Thinks of Binondo, Manila*

Bloody hell, I'm in Paranaque and that means I have to go to that damn place to find Agar? That stupid, stupid Agar? And I need it TO-DAY! And...and...I'm not sure if I really could get it there.

Shit. I just learned about that Agar thing just yesterday. Arghhhh.

*Stalks off to the petshop and buys seaweeds, though she KNOWS they are NOT AGAR*

Drats.

2002-10-16T13:59:00.000-07:00

Les is veeeeery happy. *grins* The essay I wrote in Filipino took me around ten minutes to make and when each of us had to read it in class since it shall be graded, I did a good job and our teacher said that someone got a 93. Weeee... I could be that girl because I know I did extremely well. *ego alert* I just hope it's true.

I finally finished my computer project on Eriol and my classmates were all lining up to save the file from my computer since they JUST noticed, after months of declaring my undying love to the bishounen *wink*, that he was CUTE. Goddamn. He is CUTE! People...*shakes head*

Ack. The Academic Contests happen tomorrow and I haven't studied any of the six subjects I qualified. Wee?

Well same old shit, nothing really exciting happened except that I was being silently teased because I was caught several times daydreaming. Well, you can't blame a fangirl.

2002-10-15T11:18:00.000-07:00

Oh, one more thing. I borrowed 2 books: Themes for Writers: A College Reader by Joyce Steward and a book of Roman poetry.

It's fascinating, believe me, though I know and you don't have to point out that I'm b-o-r-i-n-g. Weekas!

I just realized my writing seems to normal to me. Naw, I don't mean I would like to write like Dickens or Hugo. Well I would like too but maybe taking a level above the norm or exploring your abilities further won't hurt, wight? WIGHT? Yesh. Yesh.

Shiznit. I just forgot that I need my FILIPINO essay needs tweaking. Gawd, of all, why FILIPINO?

2002-10-15T11:10:00.000-07:00

Sigh*

This nasty habit of sleeping till 12 am, waking, doing assignments, netsurfing and just looking into space without nothing entering my mind is VERY abnormal. I'm starting to be one with the nocturnals, or I may say vampire-like humans who stay awake till the wee hours of the morning.

Now, as bizaare, impossible and crazy as it may sound, I am fearing that some spirit would pop up beside, behind or in front of me while working. Well, you can't blame the resident freako for that... *knees tremble*. Heh, fault goes to Philippine folklore for instilling in some young minds, including my young, *cough*innocent*cough mind, that there are things like kapre and aswang. But there could be possibilites they exist, right? I mean, I believe in spirits and ghastly creatures of the dark, so... *shiver, tremble, shake*

Setting the creepy thoughts aside, I can't help but feel guilty a while ago, during Filipino time, when we talked about irresponsible leaders. Well, I would say that at some point, I had been such and I made amends to my failures afterwards. I'm not implying that I'm good, otay? I'm not even an effective leader since people make fun of what I say and do, most of the time.

No, I'm not a jester. Heh. Well, sort of but, really, I am serious too. Sometimes, having people manipulate you because they think you could easily be fooled by their antics, hurt. And when you're hurt, what pains me the most, is they seem blind to your silent pleas and cries. They would still continue hurting you, not giving due respect to you as a human being, who obviously isn't passive...at all.

Going back, I feel a bit guilty since most of my classmates were obviously, though indirect, pointing a finger in my direction. Well, I don't blame them but sometimes things pile up in you when you resist giving attention to the evils others do and then in the end, it shall burst like a balloon popped by a needle. Okay, they don't listen to me when I ask them to shut up, is that my fault? Being a talkative kind of person doesn't necessarily mean I never shut up or I have even an ounce of discipline in me. C'mon, fix your brains, people, CAN YOU SEE HOW MUCH YOU HURT OTHERS?

Oh well, as I said, I shall not blame anyone for being too naive. A hard rock shall just hit their egos someday when they experience the exact situation. As they say, if you fight with fools, you are considered fooler than those fools. W007!

Anyway, my day, as ordinary as before, was quite (QUITE) okay, but still not okay in terms of the people and the activities I did.
I wish not to elaborate because it's useless to rant about *those* things. Believe me, it's stupid.

Exams are a week away. Eureka? I don't think so.

Which reminds me...

I need to store coffee. x_x

2002-10-14T13:55:00.000-07:00

Uh oh.

Ever had a pile of things to do but you slept while doing it because you're lids were too droopy?

x_x

2002-10-14T07:13:00.000-07:00

Caffeine. Caffeine. Caffeine. How would one live without caffeine?

Coffee.is.yummers. Yesh. Yesh.

School is fun too. Yesh. Yesh. Add the stacks of assignments summoning me to start.

Hah! I've figured out a way to recite druing AP class without lectures in my notebook. How about a party for the birth of a brilliant idea?
Man, I gotta love the xerox machine.

Oh yeah, I've laughed too hard today during English time that I couldn't even giggle since I've run out of laughs. My day wan't pure jolly, you know. Les proudly tells the whole world that she failed...yes, heard that right, ladies and gentlemen, she.failed her Filipino test.

Ack. I'd eat bananas till I look like a hungry man-ape than learning to love my native tongue. Err..it's not that I do not love Filipino.at.all. It's just that...*sighs* I hate it. (erg. What irony!).

I hate, hate, hate, hate, HATTTTEEEE it.

And then, and then, I learned that we shall be playing a flute. A damn flute. FLUTE! I shall be learning how to play a flute.

Bah.

Let me see, as usual, I cannot say anything decent because nothing happened today that is thrilling and worth remembering. Same old crap.

Wait. There is this one thing that made me jump for joy the whole afternoon-round.

No THE! T3 W0075G3!

*goes back glomping down her 2nd dose of nescafe*

2002-10-12T23:52:00.000-07:00

[Brace yourselves...major ranting follows... x_x]

I am one pathetic shit.

Instead of sleeping and relaxing since it's a gloomy Sunday afternoon, here I am, beside a huge stack of books and notebooks, pens, paper and a cup of coffee.

Shit.

I really don't get why others consider high school *cough*fun*cough*. It's more like beelzebul's domain, I swear.
And no one, I repeat, no one would ever change my views that lecture notes suck, multiple projects blow and friends don't care, well maybe *some* but... x_x

What's the point of having more than ten books but you AREN'T allowed to open a page during class? I slave on doing lecture notes from books to notebooks every single night of my pitiful life in every subject that I shall be taking the next day. No notes, no assignment and worse...no recitation. So I have no option but do the things I hate instead of looking dumb in class without an answer. And if that happens, everybody would stare at me and mumble: "Aren't you the class top student?"

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Going to the issue of friendship, I don't *think* there is a person who satisfies my idea of a "friend". Well..some do like those online friends I have and my tomodachi-kun and some others and...Gah. Fine. Too many reasons. I have been to hurt to even put to words what I feel. No rantings for that, I'm too tired.

Projects.

Gawd, I would rather make five book reports reviewing Shakespeare's works than doing a boardgame for "The Tempest". That project sucked my brains out of the skull. And since, Cathy and I were the only ones who took initiative to bug each of the remaining members to give ideas, we did the crucial brainstorming by ourselves while others continued with their calm, passive and damned lives. If I wasn't patient, I would've slapped them in the face.

A.P? I hate drawing maps. I hate Mesopotamia. I hate illustration boards. I hate oil pastels. I hate being the leader. That sums it up.

Religion *whack whack*. I didn't know that reading Acts 9-20, summarizing and reflecting would give something more than a migraine. Bah.

Oh! Oh! My computer project which is sitemaking is lovely! I did a shrine for Eriol and everybody was gushing over it. Weeee... *ego inflate alert*

Unit tests. Exams. Argh. I'm damned.

In two weeks, I shall be rotting in hell. That means, more caffeine, caffeine, caffeine, painkillers and sleeping pills.

And speaking of schoolwork, I need to START making lectures or I would have a low grade in the notebooks. Shit.

Oh, don't worry, I'm not too evil when I'm irritated. Lunatic, perhaps, eh?

2002-10-12T21:49:00.000-07:00

testy